Journal of My Mind

But, yesterday, I opened my photo albums of my childhood when I was in Pittsburgh, and watching all those Disney Parade, my spirits back. I have decided since today that I won’t give up my dream. I haven’t fought with anything to reach out my dream. So, I digged up my dream and promised that I will fight to make my dreams come true, until the very end.

But the big problems now are how to get in one of those US universities and how I afford the tuition fees. I just shocked a little when I calculated how much money I should spend to live and study in US. And the fees are scary.

I am just thinking to gain more money for college. I should try apply for scholarships as much as possible. And I should study harder from now. I will be more focus in class. Maybe some people wondering, why I really want to study abroad even my parents ehm.. cannot afford it fully for undergraduate program (because it takes 4 years). There is some factors why I don’t really like study in my own country. But, this is just my opinion. My thought, okay?

Reason why I want to study abroad and not in Indonesia:

1. There’s one Indonesian Campus tradition that I don’t like the most. It is called ‘Ospek’. So, in the very first week, every 1st year student, will get an ‘orientation’ from the seniors and we have to do what the seniors say and dressed funny. It doesn’t funny at all for me. Even if I’m already a senior because I think, those activities are useless. Why don’t we use the very first week to do some useful activities?

2. After I got the Cambridge curriculum, I know the difference between Indonesian curriculum and Cambridge’s. I like Cambridge’s more because the curriculum makes us to have to understand the materials while Indonesia’s makes us to have to memorise the materials. And the environment in Indonesia is not good enough to study. On abroad, students study a lot, so there is a ‘competition air’ and made the other student study harder. But in Indonesia, the students study too relax. If I have to choose whether I choose study in a strict environment or a relax one, I will choose the strict one, so I’ll be motivated to be better.

3. You know, I have a big brother. And I admire him so much because he always successful on everything he involved in. Since he was young, he always got a lot of awards. When we were in Pittsburgh, he got a lot of certificates. Perfect attendance, manner, etc. In Indonesia, he got a lot of certificates too. He joined Mathematics Olympiad (even though he did not win) in India on 2003. He got the 5th best grade on his junior high school. He is currently in ITB, which is one of the greatest university in Indonesia and everyone said to me how lucky he is. In his campus now, he is a straight A’s student whose his GPA is 4.0 out of 4.0. And he leads a lot of organizations. He has lots of friends and connections. He’s an extrovert type so everyone likes him. But.. I am far from that. I don’t even close like my own brother. And sometimes, honestly, it hurts a bit.

Almost everyone (my family’s connections) knows him because he always easy to getting along with everyone. When he was sick and admitted to a hospital, people visited him. I wonder, if I am the one who were admitted to the hospital, does anybody would come to see me? 

I envy him. I, a kind of introvert girl who has almost nothing to be proud of, always want to be something difference from my brother. I want to do something big too, that made me remembered by people, that made my parents proud of me. I always want to be better than my brother. That’s why I want to study abroad, I want to prove to everyone that I can make my own dream comes true. I don’t want everyone just know me as ‘the ordinary daughter’ while my brother known as ‘the super son’. I want everyone and my parents see me as ‘a daughter that everybody proud of her’.

4. I want to traveling around the world. I want to see the ‘outside’ world. Meeting new people and new culture. And it can gives me opportunity to be more independent by living alone in other country. And I think it’s really good for myself. I can’t be always depend to my family. I want to be an independent girl and I am not scared to fight on. And I always wish I could come back to US. I don’t know why, but US attracts me like magnet.

Yeah, that’s some of my reasons. I think I have more reasons but.. I forgot. Hahahaha..

I am interested in some US universities like Eastern Michigan University and Pittsburgh University and Seattle Centre Community College. But, yeah, the tuition fees are so expensive for me. But I don’t want to spend all my parents’ savings for this. I have a motto in my life : If I want something that’s too expensive that even my parents couldn’t afford it, I must to use my own money. I don’t want to burden my parents. So, I am really serious about searching scholarships right now.

It’s already late in Indonesia, so I have to sleep. Thanks for reading my post by the way.
I hope I can make it happens, wish me luck guys! =)

I want to share some photos too. Hahaha. Just enjoy it. These photos are from the parade. Hey, has anyone of you gone there on summer 1997? I was 5 back then.

I just heart Disney very much. Someday I will come back. Yeah, sure. Besides, I put my old photos here to help someone =). My dream is having a job related to Disney. If somebody ask me what is the second top of my wish list, I absolutely answer that I want to come back to Walt Disney World. It’s an amazing place, you know.

I don’t have a lot of photos of the parade because I remember my dad recorded it with the handycam, but unfortunately, when we came back to Indonesia, my father forgot to convert all the tapes to CD so all the tapes were broken. I was so sad when I heard this for the first time. I mean, the tapes were precious.

Hmm.. Can you feel the joy from the photos? That’s why I want to work at Disney Company. Disney spreaded a lot of happiness, laughter and joy when I was a kid. And I want to have a job that spread out the same thing to all kids in the world.

I got the lyrics from the parade theme song (Remember The Magic (25th Anniversary Walt Disney World)) from the link I put above. Someone posted it. I like the lyrics and the music. When I heard the song yesterday, I don’t feel like I am a 16-years-old girl. But I feel like I am turn back to 5. Really. That’s what I really feel.

‘When you wish upon a star…

Your heart could just take wing,
You could live out all your dreams.
No matter how, no matter when,
You can reach that world again.
It’s like a dream come true
That lives inside of you.
It’s time to remember the magic!
It’s time to remember the magic!

So join the celebration,
And wish upon a star,
And stop! to remember the magic (Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah)
It’s time to remember the magic (Zip-A-Dee-Ay)
There’s always a dream coming true.
Remember the magic!‘

Well, It like a spell for me. The proof is, I still remember the magic of the magic kingdom until now. And I don’t wanna just remember the magic, but I want to experience the magic one more time.

Do you remember the magic?

By the way, have you seen a Chinese/Taiwanese movie titled Secret? It’s really nice. Good movie. And I am impressed by Jay Chou, who directed, acted as the lead actor, script writer and composed the music and played the piano. I just can say wow. Hahaa..

Here is the sypnosis:  “Lun (Jay Chou) lives with his father, Chiu (Anthony Wong), the music teacher of Tamkang Secondary School. Both of them are very good at music and piano.

On the first day of Tamkang Secondary School, Lun walks through the campus with his classmates, a mysterious piano solo draws his attention. He follows the song and finds that an ethereal girl is playing piano in the old music room.

The piano girl is Yu (Guey Lun-Mei), one of Lun’s classmates. She is always late for school and hence sits next to Lun at the back row. The two become intimate friends and spend a lot of time together. “What’s the melody you played the first day we met?” asked Lun, “That’s my secret.” Yu whispered in his ear. “

I recommended this movie to all of you. It’s a good movie, one of my favorite. And Jay Chou played piano so well in this movie. Makes me want to play piano again. I used to have a dream job as a pianist. But a piano is just so expensive so my parents just bought me a keyboard. And in this movie, you will see a great special effect and very nice score. If I don’t have mistaken, Secret had won some awards.

Oh yeah, by the way, if you want to see the trailer of the movie, go to Youtube or just watch on this page. Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85wDDjaPFd0

Does the video show up? I hope so. Hahaha. Oh yeah, for you who live in Jakarta, Indonesia and have cable TV (First Media) you can watch Secret on February 14, 2009 (tomorrow!) at 20.00 WIB (8 p.m. Indonesian Time) on Celestial Movies. Such a nice movie, you all should watch it! =D

I had two rabbits when I was in elementary school and they were so lovely. But, after 7 months, they died. And I always (almost) cried when I remembered my lovely rabbits for the next month.
We tried to raise another bunny, but they always died. They died within less than one month!

And then, on 2006, I moved. Not so far, just closer to Jakarta. My mom started thinking to have a cat as a pet. Honestly, I didn’t really like cat. I mean, I like cat but not too fanatic. I was. And.. it changed.

The first cat that came to my house was a black stripe cat with a very long tail. We named it Boy. He was so cute. We raised it since he was a kitty. After that, my mom want to have another cat to accompany Boy. So she brought home several cats. But, no cats as cute as Boy. And those cats (the one my mom brought to home) were gone or missing. Well, I don’t really sad, though. Because I still like Boy more.

Then, one year ago, my brother brought a very cute kitty from Bandung (a city near Jakarta). And that was the first time I fell in love with this kitty. She has a golden hair with a big black eye. So cute. And I love her. My father named it Imeh. And the way she meow is sooo cute.

Those are Imeh (photos above). What do you think? I think she’s lovely. And she already have kids (4 little kitties but 3 of them gone mysteriously).

But then, one month ago, my mom made a decision. After having cats as pets for 2 years (I think it’s more than 2 years) my mom getting tired of it. And she wants to ‘move’ Imeh from my house. And honestly, it breaks my heart. My cats. My lovely cats. She wants to separate me from my cats. I love my cats. Boy and Imeh. Imeh is just so cute. Her silk fur (we don’t go to pets salon for Imeh, we washed Imeh and Boy at home) and her cute meow. Everytime I got home from school, she always wait me at home.

I always try to extend the time. I don’t know, I feel that I’m not ready if Imeh is not around me anymore. Where will she gonna live? Protecting herself from heat and rain and people? Who gonna feed her? Oh my, I don’t wanna think about it.

And, like I said, it breaks my heart when my mom told me her plan. I really really really wish Imeh still be my pets. If my mom didn’t plan to have Imeh (for a long period) at the first place, why don’t she tell me? So, that I won’t love my cat like now. And Imeh is the only cat which stayed at my home so long (after Boy, of course) and I don’t feel like I’m her owner. I feel like she is my friend. My family. And it’s so hard to let go one of your family, right?

Please please please, don’t let Imeh go. Please. I really like Imeh.
By the way, I gotta go. I have to have some rest.
See ya’!

Last saturday, my brother told his girlfriend this:
‘ I am the one who always got ill in this family. Maya almost never got ill. I mean, she was the one who born prematurely!’

And, on that moment, I think he was right. I almost never got ill. Maybe it’s just because I am too encourage myself to not get ill easily. Because if I got sick, I can’t study well. And I always avoid that.

But then, when I got home, suddenly I realized that it’s almost 2 weeks that my back is in pain. Injured somehow. I can’t do warm up like I always do before I do some exercises before I sleep. I can’t reach my feet while I stand up (do you get the picture, I am not sure how to describe it). And, that pain made me stand steadily. I always have a bad posture. But because my back is painful, I have to walk steadily like ballerinas.

Why I always get injured? I don’t know, really.

Last summer, I got an almost-serious injury on my leg. Because I did too much jump rope because I was obsessed to grow taller by jumping rope everyday. The highest is 400 or 700/day, I forgot. And it injured my leg. Made me stay at home for the rest of my summer holiday because I can’t walk to far. Stupid me. Maybe you are wondering, am I got taller after I scarified my leg? The answer is no. I don’t get any taller. How sad.

And last month, I got injured on my PE class because of that baseball thing. I had to rest about a week before I can really moved my left arm freely.

And now, I got injured on my back. Actually not my back, but (I think) on around my sacrum. I have no idea why it’s hurt on that area. I think I didn’t do something crucial.

Well, I hope I won’t get any injured in the future. Hahahaa..

Okay, see you all next time =)