Journal of My Mind

Then, most of my friends screamed as they open and read their result. My hand was shaking. I don’t wanna know the result. I know I’m weak at Physics, that’s why I challenge myself to study harder and took the exam, even though I had the choice to not take the exam.

And when I handed the result, I really don’t wanna know. The smartest kid in my class got C. Then, the second smartest girl (she is one of my best friend and I knew that she mastered physics as good as the smartest one) got D. D?! How about me?!

The other girl who is also smart at Physics put her result back into its envelope and looked so down. I asked her result. ‘I got E,’ she said. Oh my god. It’s freaking me out, really.

Finally, I bravely opened mine. And then I read it. I cannot say that mine id better than my classmate. I felt very horrible. I failed to get a good grade.. again. It makes me wanna scream out loud.. and hungry.

I went to Kamome, a Japanese supermarket nearby my school. They have Takoyaki, one of  my favourite Japanese snacks. I was hungry so I bought it and went home. The takoyaki was delicious as always =9 It also bringing back my mood.

I didn’t get  the grade that I want it. I was disappointed, and that’s it. That means I haven’t performed my best in the exam so I have to be better next time. I can’t be down and cry for days. It won’t change the fact that I failed. It won’t make the examiner in Cambridge University changes my grade.

Like I said, Physics is my weakest subject at school. I challenge myself to take the exam. I studied hard for that. I failed but I am not feel so down. I’m proud of myself. Not because I failed, but because I’ve tried. And that’s what really matter to me.

So, I think we should take a chance and try it. If it doesn’t work out, then that’s it. It’s not because you are too afraid to try it. At least you have already tried it.There’s nothing wrong with trying something. Try your best and when the result comes out (even though you don’t get what you expected) but there will be a good feeling comes towards you. Believe me =)

I’ll be better next time and learned from my failure. That’s me. Because I believe, behind of a failure, there’s a success waiting for me. It won’t come by itself, we have to get up and find it. The success that we don’t know yet.

Oops, already 7 pm. I gotto go Aikido. Bye bye everyone, see ya’!

Origami. You must already know about it, right? An art of folding paper from Japan. And my favorite is making paper crane =)

They said, in Japan, if you make 1000 paper cranes, your wish will come true. There is a story about this paper crane. So after World War II, there was a girl named Sadako Sasaki who was suffering from leukemia because of bomb radiation in Hiroshima. She heard the legend about making 1000 thousand paper cranes. So she made it one by one by herself, so she can survive from the disease.

But, day after day, one by one, kids with the same disease like her died. And suddenly she changed her wish. She wished for a peace world where nobody suffering in it. And she died before she finish her 1000 paper crane. She just made about 600. And her friends continued her work and put 1000 paper crane on her funeral.

It’s  sad story, isn’t it? But, since then, paper crane became a symbol for peace as Sadako Sasaki’s wish.

Have you ever made one? Do you know how to make paper crane? I know paper crane for the very first time is when I was in Pittsburgh. My brother made it. Since a little, I like origami. I like folding paper. Then, in junior high, my teacher taught me again.

I wanted to make 1000 paper crane when I was in junior high. But, when I just made about 70, my maid throw it because she thought they were rubbish. I tried to make 1000 paper crane for festival with my seniors and my club when I was grade 10. But, the time was not enough.

Me and my friends made a lot of paper crane while we were in Japan. It’s so much fun. And now, I want to make 1000 paper crane again. The photo of paper crane and hand, that is my handmade. And my hand. Hahaha. Okay then, gotta go, have to do my homework for tomorrow! Thanks for reading my post hehe.

Bye bye and see ya’!

“Doctor!”
“President!”
“Pilot!”
“Lawyer!”
“Teacher!”

I guess all of you is familiar with this kind of conversation. I bet you are already asked about this million time, no.. zillion time. Everybody asked the question since we were kid. And what was our answer back then?

I used to wanna be a doctor. Then, I changed it, I wanna be an astronomer. And then, when I went to junior high, I wanna be a novelist. Then in high school I wanna be a movie director. The problem is, now I’m in my senior year of high school. I’ll go to college next year, and.. I still confused about my major!

When we’re kid, it was so much fun. It was so easy. We can be anything we wanna be. As we all grown up, there were more questions come to our head, made us confuse about our own future.

I wanna be a novelist, but then my brother told me : ‘the percentage of novelist that end up rich like JK. Rowling is so small. do you really want to take English Literature?’ then, I was confused.

Then, when I said I wanna take major something about design or languages or multimedia, my dad came and said : ‘pick a job that can produce money, not the one that waste money,’

Today, I just chatted with my old friends. I ask him what he wanna be and what major he would take next year. I thought he wanna be a doctor from a long time ago and would take major that related to it since he’s smart. I admitted, I was surprise to hear his choice. He wants to work in mining. Because, being a doctor does not have a good prospect anymore. For me, it means, mining will give you a lot of money (because everybody need it, especially oil) while being doctor will give it too but after a long years.

Okay, then I wanna scream out loud. Should everything has to related to money? I mean, yes, I need it. I am not saying I can live without money because I know that I can’t. But, come on, am I the only person that think money is not everything?

I don’t blame my friend for his choice. It really up to him. It’s not my business anyway.

I heard someone said to me, ‘Why don’t you be a doctor? You can raise money faster than other job, because everybody need doctor,’

Yes, logically, I think that’s right. But, why is the reason of being a doctor have to related to money again? I mean, is there somebody who will say that she/he wants to be a doctor because she/he wants to save people’s life? To save people from death? To save them and heal them because we all are relative and our job is helping each other from suffer? Is there?

J-O-B. A bunch of people of age 22-55 years old who go to work every Monday-Friday wearing suit for men and blazer for women and bringing varies of documents from 8 am ’till 4 pm.

That’s the definition of word ‘job’ for me. And for me, a good job means something you wanna do, something you love to do. Not something that we have to do because it will give us a big amount of salary. Not something like that at all. Am I too naive or what?

I wanna have a job about something I love to do. Like when we were kids. We said out loud what we wanna be. There’s no thought about.. about anything. I wish I can be like that. If you think of the opposite and feel unpleasant , please, I have to remind you that you’re reading my post, my mind, my journal of my mind. And please appreciate it.

Well, up until now, I don’t know what job should I take. At least, what major should I take next year. Seriously, I feel so uneasy about this. What’s wrong for being a novelist and  that’s because you love to write? What’s wrong for being a movie director because you love the process of making? What’s wrong being an astronomer because you love studying about stars, planets and galaxy? Are those job is something you can laugh at, gaping at, or saying ‘will you success just by doing that?’? I don’t get it.

I think I lost my way. I don’t know what to do, or what I wanna be. As a human being, I want to have a job that can help others too, sincerely. Sigh.

By the way, ou of topic, suddenly I’m hungry and I wanna eat Ramen. Haha.. I gotta go, gonna find something in refrigerator to eat =p Thanks for reading my post. Hope you don’t get bored. Wait for my next post, okay? Bye bye and see ya’!

1. Standing in the middle of torrential rain without umbrella or rain coat
2. Make a wish on shooting star
3. Have my own gallery
4. Live in Japan
5. Write a novel that will be remembered by people
6. Meet one of my idols in person
7. Come back to Pittsburgh
8. Open a small-warm restaurant
9. Visit The Great Wall in China
10. Go to see Eiffel Tower and Museo de Louvre
11. Live in a small country-style house with a huge beautiful garden

I don’t know more Let me tell you if I already get the full lists..

Then,

Yes, hoodie! I think I just addicted to this thing. Sweatshirt Hoodie =D

Hmm.. I don’t know where I can buy a sweatshirt hoodie in Jakarta with high quality but reasonable price. Actually, I’d rather wear hoodie than t-shirt. I think it’s more comfortable. And by the way, do you still remember my previous post about ‘Interesting Stuff I Wanna Buy’? Finally I can buy almost most of them, even though until now, I can’t find high top black converse in size 36.5. Weird.